Bothered

I don't know why, but I enjoy writing multiple posts in a day now. HAHA. I just can't help it. I really do have a lot of thoughts to share that's wanting to come out, and I guess they're nothing serious really. Serious ones and those that are private are stored here, and they're not worth sharing anyway, so, yeah.

Who am I kidding? Maybe this could be serious after all.

Refer to the last part of the post for you to understand more everything that I've written here. LOL

So, here it goes ...

I'm bothered because I'm not really sure how and what thoughts I should express already, knowing that everyone who knows this blog or accidentally finds it would read all about it, and maybe criticize it, like, they'd tell me that "these things are not meant to be shared .." or, "oh look, how could she even dare to show all these?", then, "please delete this and that, what if (name of person) sees it". Being a girl who thought that we could literally share anything on a blog in the first place, referring to some other blogs that state on their blog that, "this is my blog and I have the right to post anything" or "I blog to express, not to impress", I did have an idea on what indeed I should write, which, as how I understood, "anything" that goes in my mind. So I expressed just that, and you know what? It didn't really go too well at some points. Although I gotta admit that it, most of the time, gave me some good experiences too.

Why didn't it go too well? I gained an enemy because of one post, and it took almost 4 months for us to get back to being friends again. Then, another one would be, I wrote something bad about someone, then I was saved from trouble when my parents told me to delete that part. I was frustrated at first but then realized that they were right for telling me to do so. I also wrote something about my feelings of liking for a certain someone, then I was also told to delete that. I was pretty sure that I didn't go far in expressing that though. The last one explained why this blog does not contain cheesy posts anymore.

That last situation (or whatever you call it. I ran out of right words to think of and say), about it being the reason why this blog doesn't contain any things about my love life (LOL, I don't even have a love life, honestly), my liking for someone, and many more that's really cheesy to express, did get me wondering, 

"How could they prohibit me from telling about one of the greatest highlights of being a teenager, which is falling in love (or developing feelings for someone of the opposite sex would be more appropriate when we talk about me)? Why couldn't they just understand that it's perfectly normal for teens to feel that way and that they shouldn't be mad at them for undergoing such? Why couldn't they trust me on this, where in fact I already proved to them that I was still able to concentrate on my studies while I was secretly admiring someone, and another fact, I even reached a higher rank in the honors' list, because of the inspiration I've got, although I'm not so sure if I really did get it from that."

I demand an explanation for this. For those who are already thinking that I sound stupid already, then go ahead and judge me some more. I'm just here to express my thoughts and opinions about expressing freely when blogging, and if you must have a valid reason that some parts of this post should be deleted, then tell me. I respect others' opinions too, if I also find them reasonable and valid.

And you know, this was the same case too for Facebook, and that also explains why I don't post cheesy stuff there anymore, and if I must, I just post a song that could explain what I'm feeling (although that's not always the case that a song could be one that I can relate it, unless stated).

Well, I know that those people who told me to delete my cheesy posts (both on Blogger and Facebook) have their reasons for their actions and decisions too, so maybe I should just try to understand them and discover what they might have thought about my actions as well.

For those things that have happened when I expressed stuff other than the one about love, I understand fully why they're bad, then about expressing freely, I guess I just didn't fully understand what they meant in the first place, so here I am now, edging to think very carefully what I should write (or type :P). But this did limit me to express freely, and isn't that what blogging is all about?

I'm coming to the enlightenment that this blog does show a lot about who or what the author is like, and that the author has the responsibility to preserve his/her good name and respected identity, and maybe that's kind of the reason why posting stuff about love could be a bit of a bad thing if done too much since others wouldn't respect the author anymore just as much because they might think that he/she is full of crappy thoughts about love and is too full of it to think of other things, isn't that right? But, just like I said, I don't usually go too far in expressing those here in my blog, but then again, on Facebook, I gotta admit, I posted too much about love, and I ended up harmlessly teased by my friends. Since I saw it as a joke, it didn't really hurt me, but then I realized that I didn't want to be teased like that anymore, so I've sworn to myself that I won't post about love anymore ... just love songs. LOL. Well, I still post things about love, but recently, I'm edging to find inspirational things to post instead of that, which would be kind of better.


Going back to being confused about what thoughts I should express already, I'm thinking of posting pretty much about my daily activities, but would you get interested in it anyway? And also, I can't go on posting music and art all the time, or can I? I guess I should post things that define me more about who I am, then this would gain back my blog's personal purpose, right? But this seems hard now since mostly all I think about now, when I'm currently not in school, is all about what comes around and goes around in this thing called love. But don't get me wrong, I don't think all about it all the time, or do I?


So, yeah, I don't know for sure what I should express instead here anymore just yet. But I will someday figure that out.

In spite of all of these things, I learned to be more and more responsible in blogging. With the fact that I've been blogging for 3 years already, since June 11, 2009, I know that I've grown more and more mature, especially mentally and emotionally when we talk about myself online. I also learned to handle my feelings better, and to express my thoughts clearer, then I also understood myself even better too. Thanks to the right to freedom of expression, and also to the people who have helped me develop from within, I have become the person I am now, and am able to write posts this way now too.

I'm sorry that this post is kinda unruly, unorganized, and all, but since I'm already feeling sleepy while writing this, I hope you understand. I also hope you got the point of this post. (Who am I kidding? Would anyone really get the point?)

So, to explain the point instead, for you to understand it (or understand it better if you already understood), I'll just summarize all these things:

• I understood the right to freedom of expression in a different way in the first place when it came to blogging, that was way back when I was new here.
• Since I understand it well now, due to learning it the hard way, this got me bothered because it got me more cautious on what to write, even about one of the things that interest me which is love.
• I questioned this because isn't it that we should be able to express freely on a blog? and besides, I DID NOT go too far in expressing my love feelings in the first place here in my blog .. at least, as far as I've remembered.
• While writing this post, I came to the enlightenment that those people who ask me to delete some parts of the blog or tell me what I should or shouldn't express here have their reasons of their actions and decisions too, and who knows? They may also be right, right?
• Deciding on what kind of thoughts to express seemed hard already, but I'll figure that out soon, due to the enlightenment that I had.
• After all, these experiences, and the people I was referring to which I did not clearly state, or state at all, helped me become a better person and the person I am now, and also the posts I write now too.
• But still, to tell you the truth, I'm still bothered with all these. So I'd appreciate it if you could say something about these too. :))

Till here :* I hope you could have your say on this.